Goan Community of Oman

• Facts about Goa
• 'Goa - my native place' by Nicholas Candes
• Books on Goa
• Books by Goans
• Educational Institutions
• Art and Culture
• Handicraft
• Cuisine
• Dances
• Goan Jokes

KONKANI COMPUTERS (Contributed by: Manuel Simplicio Rodrigues, 10 April 2010)

The Coalition Government in Goa has managed to come to at least one unanimous decision: They have commissioned Bill Gates to create a Konkani Version of Windows 2007 exclusively for Goa and other konkan regions in India .
The Microsoft Team is already hard at work on this new totally new interactive CD-ROM up-grade, which is to be called "ZONELAM 2010". In this version, a mouse shall be called UNDIR. A mouse buttom shall be called UNDRACHO BUTAO. As ZONELAM 2010 opens, the theme music shall be "UNDRA MOJEA MAMA". Here is a preview of some commands which have already been worked out by the Microsoft Team Goa:
Ignore = Mar Shendi
Exit = Vashimbor
Click = Fottu Kadd
Double Click= Don Fottu Kadd
Byte = Ghass Mar
Save = Bankan dorr
Hide = Lipoi
Unhide = Sogleank dakoi
Hang = Lamboi
Stop = Tamboi
Move = Aloi
Turn = Pettoi
Turn off = Paloi
Delete = Zok Mar
Open = Dakoi
Enter = Bhitor voch
Insert = Bhitor ghal
PageUp = Voir cadd
PageDown = Sokol ghal
BackSpace = Fattlean suat
Close = Bonn cor
Save = Samavun dhor
Home = Ghara voch
End = Kabar

GOAN MLAs (Contributed by: Manuel Simplicio Rodrigues, 19 March 2010)

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the Panjim-Mapuca highway. Nothing has moved for half an hour, when suddenly a man knocks on the window.  The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What's going on?”
The man tells him that Russians down the road have kidnapped some Goan MLAs. “They're asking for a 10 million ransom or they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. Several people are going from car to car, taking up a collection.”
The driver asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?”
The man replies, “Most people are giving about a litre.”

IT PAYS TO LEARN KONKANI...  (Contributed by: Navneet Kasbeker, 26 January 2010)

A Goan farmer walking through his field notices a fellow drinking water straight from the pond with one hand.
The Goan shouts, 'Arre baba, tem udaak pienaka. Tantun gorvan ani dukor hagtat!', which means, 'Don't drink the water;  the cows and the pigs crap in it!'
The man shouts back, 'I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, you idiot!'
The Goan shouts back in English, 'Use both hands, you'll get more!'

GOAN JEWS (Contributed by: Marietta Coutinho, Sydney, 20 August 2009)

Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are American Jews and had come to Goa with a troop of Israelis for some R&R. While sitting at a local taverna, it came upon Benjie to ask, "Are there any Goan Jews?"
"I don't know," Oscar replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" The rest of the troop had no idea either.
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Goan Jews?"
"I not know sir, I check," the waiter replied, and he went to speak to the bartender. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Goan Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.
"I checking again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the bartender.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Goa, our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Goan Jews.."
"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Goan Jews."
"Sir, I check," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, mango Jews and pineapple Jews, but patrao not knows Goan Jews! If you like, you can even have Feni with Jews."

GOANS CAUSING PROBLEMS IN HEAVEN (Contributed by: Anthony and Dorothy Lourence, 5 May 2009)

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said "I have to talk to you. We have some Goencars up here in Heaven and they are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing kashtis and saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discount prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating Sannas and Sorpotel. Some of them are even walking around with just one wing!"
The Lord said, "Goans are Goans. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call."
Satan answered the phone, "Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.." Satan returned to the phone, "OK I'm back. What can I do for you?"
Gabriel replied, "I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there."
Satan says, "Hold on again. I need to check on something."
After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, "I'm back. Now what was the question?"
Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
Satan says, "Man I don't believe this.........Hold on."
This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. These Goans from the Gulf down here have put out the fire in hell and are trying to install air conditioning!!!

European fairy tales end with the couple getting married.Goan fairy tales begin with the couple getting married. Read on:
A young Goan couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband from Assolna, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go up to Connie's bar and
relax with his old buddies. So, he said to his wife, "Honey,I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to Connie's place, darling. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my moga?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him a
dozen different kinds of beer - Kingfisher, Belo, Sandpiper, Arlem... name it she had it!  The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lollypop...but at Connie's...you know...they have
frozen beer mugs! "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen
glass, morgada?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at connies they have those little snacks that are really delicious. You know patties and croquets and cutlets and small chevrisam.... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise.   
OK?" "You want snacks,poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at Connie's... you
know...there's swearing, and dirty words, galleio and all that..."
"You want dirty words, gallieo?... "LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR F*****G BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR M***********G SNACKS,
BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! SOZMOLO! BARAO?"
And they lived happily ever after....... 

KONKANI RIDDLES (Contributed by: Paul Fernandes, 4 March 2009)